I was once sitting in a class at the University of Pennsylvania when Dr. Charles Dwyer said:
“Words, the fragile vessels of our meanings, easily lose their way in the channels of others’ minds.”
Dr. Dwyer then provided numerous examples, most quite humorous, of words and phrases they meant one thing and said another.
Mark Twain has an appropriate quote about words I enjoy…
“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
The late Chris Farley had a recurring skit on Saturday Night Live where he would be a host/interviewer of famous people and he could barely get the words out of his mouth. When he finally did ask his questions, he would belittle himself, pull his hair and say, “I’m such an idiot.”
I’ve often felt just like that….
Saying the right thing at the right time can be a frustrating struggle. I used to sit in meetings filled with some important people and some people who thought they were important. You know the kind of meeting I’m talking about. One where people are jockeying for the floor, to illustrate their leadership skills and communication capabilities.
I would wait for just the right time to provide my insights. I’d make notes on the paper in front of me, to be sure I captured the essence of the conversation. I wanted to include what had already been shared so I could come off as inclusive and thoughtful. I’d mull over the words in my head and once there was a split second of silence in the room, I’d jump into the conversation.
Ninety-five percent of the time, what I wanted to say, what I had practiced in my mind, was different, not nearly as good, and lacked the power I desired to convey. Where I sought to capture lightning in a bottle, I instead released a lightning bug. Finding the right word or words is still something I work on to this day.
Whether it’s talking to a friend, co-worker, relative or total stranger, finding the right words, at the right time, is a perpetual challenge for me. Maybe it is for you as well.
Over the years I’ve picked up some methods and tidbits that have helped me become more comfortable with the sharing my thoughts aloud.
• I listen carefully. Multi-tasking my own thoughts while others are speaking can often confuse what I want to say.
• Taking notes. This helps me to be sure I won’t forget a key message point.
• Simplify. Thoreau was right. Keep your words and phrases simple and in lay terms. Business Jargon and acronyms may indicate you know what you’re talking about, but many members of your audience will appreciate basic expressions.
• Don’t go for the grand slam. Trying to encapsulate everything everyone else has said in your own points is usually biting off more than you can chew. You can’t hit a grand slam if there is no one on base. Make your point or points and be happy with a single or a double. If the body language in the room is affirming your points, you can always enter into the conversation again and add to what you have said.
• Follow-Up your remarks with clarifying questions. “Does that make sense?” “Do you see what I mean?” Both are simple questions that allow the listener to agree or ask additional questions for clarity and understanding.
It’s never easy to express yourself off-the-cuff or impromptu. It’s a gift few people possess. But it’s a skill that can be learned with practice and humility. Keep in mind no one knows all the answers. Saying what you’re thinking is usually the first step toward finding a workable solution. Knowing how to say, what you want to say, when you want to say it puts one on the path to communication enlightenment.