Sixty-five years ago Thomas Wolfe’s “You can’t go home again” was published posthumously by Edward Aswell. The title of Wolfe’s book, came from a previous conversation between Wolfe and writer Ella Winter. Wolfe was lamenting about his manuscript when Winter replied; “Don’t you know you can’t go home again?” Wolfe asked for, and Winter granted permission, to use the quote as the book’s title.

That phrase has now entered the American lexicon. Used largely by anyone desperately attempting to relive youthful memories. Memories which are rarely, if ever, as fulfilling as when they were created.

Retro clothing, “New Coke,” 70’s radio, and adult summer camp are just a few examples of marketing, branding or merchandising to appeal to one’s past.

On a recent visit to Colorado, (one of my most favorite places on the planet) I too was caught up in nostalgia while driving though old neighborhoods to find our home from 20 years ago. Not to my surprise or disappointment, the old neighborhood had changed. The yard, house, cul-de-sac, and neighborhood pool seemed much smaller. It appeared everyone had moved away and the charm that attracted us had not only dissipated, but disappeared. “You can’t go home again,” I thought to myself.

I recall my parents many years ago talking about “the good ole days.” We all do that, don’t we? By the way, when were those good ole days? Mary Hopkin, a Welsh singer, made a hit song in 1968 with “Those Were the Days” but I’m not really sure what time period she was referring to either.

It seems to me, we have developed an ability to flash back to whatever time period and recall those times as easier, more care-free, less stressful. We remember the mortgage being much less, but we tend to forget the interest rate was higher or the paycheck was a great deal lower. The playground slide was longer and the jungle gym higher. The fence in center field at the little league park was not 385 feet but rather 185 feet deep.

Marvin Hamlisch may have had a good point when he wrote:
“Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
If we had the chance to do it all again, tell me, would we, could we…”

I’m not advocating to forget the past. I’m not suggesting to cease cherishing memories of “the times of your life.” What I am recommending is we put everything in perspective. Above all else I recommend looking forward to what is happening today and tomorrow. Make your memories by relishing the moment you currently reside in today. Fill your mind with positive thoughts of the future. Dream of the possibilities that exist for you whether you are 18, 48, or 84.

Fall is just around the corner. A beautiful, but bittersweet time of year for me. I’m usually short-sightedly thinking about the long winter ahead and sadly miss the beauty that surrounds me during Autumn. This year I plan to relish the colors, allow the crisp air to rejuvenate my spirit and look forward to a winter of accomplishments and a spring of rebirth for my mind and soul.

My hope is that you do the same.
Until next time….

According to HealthDay News more Americans are living to 90 and beyond. They estimate by 2050 the number could reach nine million. Since the 1980 census the nonagenarian population has tripled from 720,000 to 1.9 million in 2010. I recently read an article discussing a Danish research report that indicated people living into their 90’s are mentally sharper than nonagenarians born a decade earlier. The report attributes their findings to improved nutrition, vaccinations and intellectual stimulation. The report is quite interesting, but I’ll spare you further details and move on to my point of this blog.

I’ve been working with a nonagenarian the past few weeks that supports these findings. Let’s call him Mr. B. I don’t know him very well, but I eagerly look forward to our time together. He’s one of the most fascinating people I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending time. You may be skeptical of the word “fascinating” to describe a 90 year old man, so let me share some bullet points to support my adjective.

• He’s working over 20 hours a week. I know of no other 90 year old doing that.
• He has traveled the world – for example…
• He’s been to the Artic.
• He’s been to Antarctica.
• He’s been to the Galapagos Islands.
• He’s crossed the equator at least six times.
• He’s been to Australia and New Zealand multiple times.
• He served his country in the U.S. Navy in World War II
• In his day he was a world-class double black diamond skier.
• He’s a superb story teller and movie critic.
• He has more common sense than most people have sense.
• He never gets rattled when pressure situations arise
• He has a smile that lights up a room and sly grin that reminds one of the proverbial cat and the canary.
• His dry sense of humor is only surpassed by his quick wit.
• He is a connoisseur of fine cocktails
• Did I mention he is 90?

These trips he has made weren’t 50 years ago; they were within the last 10-15 years. He is usually the elder statesman of any Lindblad Expedition. He doesn’t go on cruise liners, his traveling vessels are sailing ships that carry about 100 passengers. He selects these beautiful ships because he is able to get to know the crew and companion travelers better.

He will share stories with me and I will ask, “When was this, a few years ago?” He will reply, “No, that was April, 1947.” His mind reminds me of a swan on a lake. On the outside the swan gracefully glides along the water’s surface, but underneath the water, out of sight, the swan is paddling rapidly. That’s the way it is with his brain. We will discuss something one day and two days later he will bring the topic back up to make another point or to clarify something. My brain can’t store that much information, nor recall it, if I had to do so.

Why am I sharing this information about this particular nonagenarian? Because he has enriched my life in the few short weeks I’ve come to know him. He has caused me to pause, listen, watch and learn. He has shared his adventures and made me want to be more adventurous. He has seen more, experienced more, and truly lived more, which has made me want to live my life as Mr. B has lived his.

As one might imagine, he downplays his accomplishments, his travel and his savoir-faire. He pushes any credit and any attention away from himself. He doesn’t profess or pontificate, but rather lives his life with grace and dignity. I wish for each of you the joy of meeting a person like Mr. B. I feel so blessed to have met him and so grateful for what he has taught me. He is indeed one in a million. Actually, according to the facts I listed above, he is one in almost two million. And frankly, that statistic fits Mr. B to a T!

Until next time…

As a youngster, I fondly recall laying on my back in the park or my backyard and gazing at the clouds. At that age, I didn’t know a cumulus from cirrus, but that wasn’t important. I just enjoyed watching the clouds move in and out of formations. A couple years later Judy Collins was singing about looking at clouds from “both sides now.” As a pre-teen I really didn’t understand the references of clouds and love and life, but I could play the tune on my clarinet, so obviously I liked the song.

Nearly five decades later, I don’t lay on my back and look at the clouds anymore. Now I view them from a porch swing. The fascination I had as a kid with clouds has been replaced by the solitude of star-gazing at night. My focus is not on the formations of the constellations, but more regularly on the formation of friendships I have developed over the years. I look to the heavens and think about this person or that person; a memory, a mentoring relationship, a bond, or more. Depending on the depth of the acquaintance the questions running through my mind vary from; “Whatever became of… to I wonder how this person is feeling?”

Time has a way of getting away from all of us. We are wrapped up in our work, our family and ourselves. Before we know it a year has passed and the only connection to past relationships is the obligatory Christmas card. All the social media vehicles at our disposal should make it any easier, but often do not. Why not? Because someone has to consciously reach out. It’s an effort we tend to shy away from.

Recently, I received a text message from an old friend. It brought back a rush of good memories and it was wonderful catching up. That evening I looked up at the stars and thought about several other people who have passed through my life and made a memory and a difference. The next day I looked at clouds and thought how much clouds and stars remind me of relationships. Some don’t last, they blow in and blow away or change from robust to fleeting just like clouds on a breezy day. Others relationships shine brightly. Like the North Star, they seem to always be there when you need them for direction or guidance. They are often a source for comfort and inspiration.

I need to reach out more to those who have made a difference in my life. People who have fed my brain and touched my heart. If you look up to the stars tonight and think of someone you would like to reconnect with for one reason or another, make the effort to reach out the next day. There’s a very good chance you will make that person’s day and give your own day a very special lift.

Life is all about building, nurturing and maintaining relationships. Letting someone know you appreciate and value their friendship, whether you haven’t talked to them in weeks, months, or years is a gift for you both to share. Keep looking up and reaching for the stars in your life.

The days have been flying by this spring. It took a friendly reminder to let me know I hadn’t blogged for quite a while. I haven’t been lazy, but rather quite busy. This is the season of color in the Sandhills. The grass that was dormant with a dirt brown hue seemed to turn bright green overnight. The dogwoods are pristine white and the azaleas are like a painter’s palette of scarlet red, deep pink, lavender, and shining white. This colorful transformation reminds me of the scene from the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy opens the door of her crashed farm house and the black and white picture turns into a memorable, panoramic, technicolor scene.

Surrounded by all the color is so special, but what really amazes me is the growth of the crocus emerging from the pine straw and the buds springing from the pruned Crepe Myrtles. I remember digging shallow holes and dropping the bulbs in the red clay. I was assured they would grow in the spring, but I was more than skeptical. I was even more concerned about my first attempt to prune the Crepe Myrtles. Despite the expert advice I received and the affirmation that I had pruned them correctly in January; I was not optimistic growth would occur in the spring. But it has.

This is probably old hat, ho hum, and “whatever” for those of you who are used to planting, growing, and experiencing annual and perennial plant growth in your yards and gardens. This is all new to me. New and very exciting.

Not only am I in my own yard a great deal of time, but my job affords me the pleasure of spending a majority of the time outdoors as well. Without a doubt a real perk of my new profession. There is one more thing that has caught my attention beyond the colors and the new growth of spring. The sounds of spring. In the mornings and early evenings I do all I can to find a few minutes to be alone. Escaping to the solitude of my own thoughts, whether on the porch swing, sitting on the dock, or somewhere else, I listen to the sounds of the day or night. It may be the breeze through the pines, birds talking to one another, or frogs calling out as the sun dips gracefully from the horizon. Simple? Yes. Relaxing? Definitely. Therapeutic? Most certainly. It gives me a small sense of what Thoreau must have felt on Walden Pond.

It’s a fast-paced world, but it doesn’t always have to be. If you force yourself to take the time to notice the colors, the buds, and the sounds that surround you it will make a difference in your life. It will slow you down and cause you to refresh and rejuvenate your mind. It will put things into perspective.

So often we get caught up in the day-to-day chaos that we call life. It’s not easy to do, but if you can escape that bedlam and trade it in for five to fifteen minutes of solitude, it could possibly be the most important time you spend all day. Look, listen and experience the magic that you can only see and hear if you take the time to do so. And if you don’t think you have time to do this because your to-do list is too long, remember: “There is no present like the time.”

I recall with a smile, my good friend Mike telling me a parable about Mickey Mantle; the late Yankee Hall of Famer. Mickey would have a fantastic game, then would call back to Oklahoma, to share his excitement and desire for a pat on the back from his dad. His dad would congratulate Mickey on his hits or home runs, but then close the call by saying; “Remember Mickey, good enough is neither.” And the next day Mickey would play harder knowing good was not enough for his dad. We all can’t be Mickey Mantle. I learned that a long time ago.

I’ve been doing a great deal of thinking about mediocrity and being good enough lately. I regular self-assess and ask if I’m stretching myself to be better or just settling for mediocrity. Maybe mediocre is too strong. Maybe average is a better word. Most people think they are better than average. I’ve never sat down with anyone in a merit review session and had them tell me they were average. Usually they’re surprised if they aren’t considered the best, hardest working, employee on the team. Helping them understand how they can improve is both a challenge and a joy.

I’ve always tried to surround myself with people who strive for greatness. People who are charismatic, witty, clever, hard-working and fun to be around. Most of all, though, I want to be around someone I can trust. It’s so fulfilling when you can share with someone, believe in someone and know their word is bond.

As the years have gone by, I’ve run into people and worked with others, who wanted you to believe they were something they really were not. Frankly, I think the internet has brought on that mentality. You can hide behind your words…for a while. Unless, of course, you’re on LinkedIn, Facebook or some other revealing social media vehicle. But even those afford you the opportunity to somewhat pretend. This feeling of wanting to be something more than you actually are can and does cause challenges, issues, and problems for many people. People in all walks of life. Whether you’re working at a bank, a bakery, a deck hand on a ship or a network news anchor, you can fall into this trap. You want to impress, feel better about yourself, or be the center of attention…if only for a short while. The story you spin, the tale you tell, it’s all fine till someone finds out the facts don’t add up.
It’s at that point the “Theory of Holes” should be implemented. The person who started the tale must stop digging. It only makes it worse. As my grandma always told me; “Never lie. When you tell the truth you never have to remember what you said.”

Once you catch a person telling an untruth it’s easy to get them to tell another and another to cover the first untruth. Pretty soon that vortex takes over and they spiral deeper and deeper until they have to admit the first falsehood. Just ask Pete Rose.

Brian Williams had been the face of NBC. He is charismatic, witty, clever, hard-working and from what others at NBC have said, fun to be around. He is also a fabulous story teller. If you’ve ever heard him speak, you probably agree. His problem was he wanted to be more than the face of NBC. I’m not sure what he wanted, but he wanted more than that. When the facts behind a twelve year old story came out, he had a chance to correct the facts and apologize. He failed at both of those opportunities and the “Theory of Holes” took over. Now he has lost the trust millions put into him. As you know, it takes a lifetime to build trust and only seconds to lose it. Once gone, it can be nearly impossible to earn again. A tough life lesson to learn for anyone.

As I continue to reflect on my own gifts and talents, this event has provided me a new perspective. I love to tell stories. But I will always let my audience know when I am stretching the truth. I will continue to strive to be better, but accept who I am. When I meet someone new I won’t pretend to be something or someone I’m not. Hopefully they will be curious and courageous enough to trust me. It’s always a little risky to put yourself out there, but I’ve found more times than not its well worth the risk.

Almost twenty years ago I received a laminated copy of Bill Waterson’s last edition of the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. It was given to me by a man who was retiring and who, unbeknown to him, was a mentor to me. For those of you who may not be familiar with a comic strip that ended twenty years ago, Calvin and Hobbes was about a six year old boy (Calvin) and his stuffed pet tiger (Hobbes). The last edition was Mr. Waterson saying good-bye to his readers after 10 years and 3,150 installments. It was created on December 31, 1995. Calvin and Hobbes were outdoors in brand new snow with Calvin’s sled. You can pull up the link for the actual comic, but the dialogue went like this…..

Calvin – “Wow, it really snowed last night! Isn’t it wonderful?”
Hobbes – “Everything familiar has disappeared! The world looks brand-new!”
Calvin – “A new year, a fresh clean start!”
Hobbes – “It’s like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on!”
Calvin – “A day full of possibilities!”
Calvin – “It’s a magical world, Hobbes ol’ buddy…Let’s go exploring!”

As they head down the hill riding tandem on Calvin’s sled, I truly believe Mr. Waterson captured the essence of what a new year feels like. A clean slate, a fresh start, new opportunities and adventures. A new year does that automatically – I guess. But, at the same time, we don’t have to wait for a new year to feel this way.
Remember the quote that became so popular many years ago? “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” It was repeated so often it actually became cliché. Nevertheless, it’s still true. Each day the prospects to make a difference stand before us. We have the opportunity to take calculated risks, dare to be different, reach out to old friends, and connect with new people, places and things. We might educate ourselves to learn new skills. Or we may chose to get out of our comfort zones and not be afraid to fail. The possibilities truly are endless.
Whether it’s the beginning of a new year or the start of a new day, the possibilities are out there. What is the key to unlock the possibilities? What is the one constant remaining?

It’s up to you to do the exploring.

Calvin was right – it is a magical world. But I believe it is up to you to make the magic happen.

I doubt my retiring mentor had any idea I would be referring to his gift 19 years later, in my Blog. I want him to know that I treasure the sentiment and the lesson it continues to teach me. I’ve carried the laminated sheet with me in my backpack when I traveled or at my desk at work. It now sits in a prominent location at home. On the back of the page he wrote three words that have also stuck with me – “Make good tracks.” I consider those three words a request and a mantra worth living.

I request the same to you for each day of 2015…..Make Good Tracks!

I remember receiving quite a few snow globes as a child. Seems like they’ve been a holiday staple for years. Many movies and television shows have used snow globes as props. Both Citizen Kane and It’s a Wonderful Life had snow globes in the beginning of their stories. I also recall the medical show St. Elsewhere using a snow globe. This time, it was one of the last scenes of the series and left the viewer to believe every episode of the seven year run was really just in the mind of an autistic young boy named Tommy. It was creative, controversial and poignant.

When the cold winds begin to blow and flurries fill the air, I often reminisce about the snow globe. Lately, those thoughts have taken me down another path. I’ve been thinking a great deal about what’s outside of the snow globe. Seems to me we often get hung up, bogged down, or trapped in our own little snow globe. It’s a vital, important and secure place to be….so we think. I mean, after all, there are bills to pay, and work to be done, and the kids need new shoes. The Elf on the Shelf isn’t going to go buy packages, or address and mail Christmas cards.

At the same time it is SO refreshing, exhilarating, and sometimes scary, when I dare to step out of my own safe world.

I am and always will be a dreamer. It’s fun for me to lay in bed and dream of all kinds of things. Imagining what might and could be in another place or time. Not second guessing – just dreaming. The same is true for those of us who stay in our own snow globe world. What would happen if we broke free, took a calculated risk or chance and saw what was beyond our usual horizon?

I was talking to a co-worker the other day. He’s 92. He was telling me a story that happened in April, 1962. He was recalling in vivid detail, the people and places as if it were last week, not 52+ years ago. I kept asking more questions and was both captivated and fascinated with this adventure and his life. It became obvious to me he has never been one to stick around in his snow globe for very long.

That night, as I drifted off to sleep, I couldn’t help but wonder if that zest and zeal for adventure has been a catalyst for his long life. And I had to ask myself, if I had that same enthusiasm and attitude would I too enjoy a wonderful life outside my own little world. Maybe we all need to pause as the flurries swirl around our heads and think what life would be like outside our snow globes.

Wishing you all a safe, magical and joyous holiday in whatever way you chose to celebrate the season.

I was once sitting in a class at the University of Pennsylvania when Dr. Charles Dwyer said:

“Words, the fragile vessels of our meanings, easily lose their way in the channels of others’ minds.”

Dr. Dwyer then provided numerous examples, most quite humorous, of words and phrases they meant one thing and said another.

Mark Twain has an appropriate quote about words I enjoy…

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”

The late Chris Farley had a recurring skit on Saturday Night Live where he would be a host/interviewer of famous people and he could barely get the words out of his mouth. When he finally did ask his questions, he would belittle himself, pull his hair and say, “I’m such an idiot.”

I’ve often felt just like that….

Saying the right thing at the right time can be a frustrating struggle. I used to sit in meetings filled with some important people and some people who thought they were important. You know the kind of meeting I’m talking about. One where people are jockeying for the floor, to illustrate their leadership skills and communication capabilities.

I would wait for just the right time to provide my insights. I’d make notes on the paper in front of me, to be sure I captured the essence of the conversation. I wanted to include what had already been shared so I could come off as inclusive and thoughtful. I’d mull over the words in my head and once there was a split second of silence in the room, I’d jump into the conversation.

Ninety-five percent of the time, what I wanted to say, what I had practiced in my mind, was different, not nearly as good, and lacked the power  I desired to convey. Where I sought to capture lightning in a bottle, I instead released a lightning bug. Finding the right word or words is still something I work on to this day.

Whether it’s talking to a friend, co-worker, relative or total stranger, finding the right words, at the right time, is a perpetual challenge for me. Maybe it is for you as well.

Over the years I’ve picked up some methods and tidbits that have helped me become more comfortable with the sharing my thoughts aloud.

• I listen carefully. Multi-tasking my own thoughts while others are speaking can often confuse what I want to say.
• Taking notes. This helps me to be sure I won’t forget a key message point.
• Simplify. Thoreau was right. Keep your words and phrases simple and in lay terms. Business Jargon and acronyms may indicate you know what you’re talking about, but many members of your audience will appreciate basic expressions.
• Don’t go for the grand slam. Trying to encapsulate everything everyone else has said in your own points is usually biting off more than you can chew. You can’t hit a grand slam if there is no one on base. Make your point or points and be happy with a single or a double. If the body language in the room is affirming your points, you can always enter into the conversation again and add to what you have said.
• Follow-Up your remarks with clarifying questions. “Does that make sense?” “Do you see what I mean?” Both are simple questions that allow the listener to agree or ask additional questions for clarity and understanding.

It’s never easy to express yourself off-the-cuff or impromptu. It’s a gift few people possess. But it’s a skill that can be learned with practice and humility. Keep in mind no one knows all the answers. Saying what you’re thinking is usually the first step toward finding a workable solution. Knowing how to say, what you want to say, when you want to say it puts one on the path to communication enlightenment.

It seems to me the leaves are changing colors earlier this year.  Probably just my imagination, but I think the early September chill has activated the sequence like the crank in the game of Mouse Trap.  That sequence of gorgeous colors, followed by falling leaves, (usually expedited by a hard cold rain) then the laborious clean-up signals the end of the tree growing season.   The grass will go dormant and usually turns brown.  The trees will look barren and stoic like a department store manikin without clothing.  Then along about March or April when the buds begin to appear along the tree branches a fascinating reveal takes place.  The trees have grown.  With older trees you must really observe closely to notice, but on a younger tree it is very obvious.   I marvel and wonder how that growth took place through the dead of winter.  But it does.  The tree just kept growing despite the elements.

I recently took on a new job.  I’m one of the youngest members of the team.  And obviously the least experienced.  What a golden opportunity to learn and grow and develop.  I’ve been introduced to a number of team members who have been in their roles any where from a year to 26 years.  Each one of them brings  different perspective, unique background and special knowledge.  They possess unbelievable business and life experiences as well. Their personalities are as colorful as an October maple tree.  Now it is up to me to  listen and be educated.  Not only for my role on the team, but for what each have garnered on their respective life paths.

As a new member of the team, I feel like that tree in December, void of leaves and lacking in value. But if I quietly listen, I’m optimistic, come spring, I will be budding with new knowledge for the job and more importantly new tips for life that will allow me to continue to grow.

Don’t ever stop growing…..

“Well it’s been quite a summer, rent-a-cars and westbound trains.”  That excerpt from Jimmy Buffett’s “Come Monday” really resonates with me.  It always has.  Especially this summer. The song, about a guy who longs to be with the one he loves, is kept apart because of his hectic vagabond summer tour out west.  He desperately wants to travel the road that will take him back to her.

I too have had a busy summer.  I’ve been as far east as North Carolina and as far west as Colorado.  I retired from one job and had the good fortune of being hired into another.  Many would say I’m “Living the Dream.”

But always in life, challenges surface, like the whack-a-mole at the county fair.  Always something popping up to make sure you don’t feel too comfortable or set in your ways.  It’s at those times, when I try my best to  remember the most difficult roads we  travel must be taken with positive steps.  Sometimes we even have to take a step back, to get a better view of the horizon and a full picture of the road ahead.

More than 38 years ago, I literally had a long road ahead of me.  I didn’t have the vision or the maturity to know how to walk that road.  But I had A LOT of help along the way.  This summer, I was able to recount that journey in the book, The Road to Normal.

It took me many re-writes, edits and enormous amounts of encouragement from my son and others to complete this book.  If you go back to the  home page and click on Jewels in Your Crown – Mining the Treasures Within the link will take you to a site for The Road to Normal.

If you happen to be on the road out east, September 20,  I’d encourage you to stop by one of the finest independent book stores in the United States  – The Country Bookshop at 140 NW Broad Street in Southern Pines, North Carolina.  I’ll be there to visit and sign copies of The Road to Normal.

Hope to see y’all there.