About ten years ago I ran across a book written by Julie Jansen entitled “You Want me to Work With Who?” Julie did a wonderful job of providing eleven keys to working with just about anybody. Five personality types she covered included:
The Poor Communicator
The Disrespectful Person
The Rigid Person
The No-Common Sense Wheel Reinventor
The Dysfunctional Decision Maker
Whether you’re in a small business, a corporate environment, or a volunteer organization you run into these personality types. There is one other type I wish Julie would have covered. The Narcissist. As I was researching to write this entry, I found this type to be an entire personality disorder. The germination of this disorder (NPD) occurs in childhood, where the person is made to feel no matter what they do, it is never good enough. They are given a set of unattainable goals and physically or more likely than not, emotionally abused. As adults, they give the impression they are always right and highly accomplished in any field, hobby or area of their choosing. Even when proven wrong, they will twist the truth or lay blame elsewhere.
In actuality, a person with NPD lacks self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. They also have very little self-awareness. Instead they portray themselves as confident and secure. They take no responsibility for accountability. They abuse authority if given to them and manipulate situations to their benefit.
So how do you survive, cope, or associate with a person with NPD? It is NOT easy. My research, study and experience have taught me to learn to dance. By that I mean you must be able to be confident in your own skin. A person with NPD will do all they can to belittle, insult, or ridicule you in order to make themselves look better than you. Tearing you down builds themselves up, in their eyes. When the insults begin, simple consider the source and say “thank you for your opinion.” Then drop the subject or leave their presence. By handling things in this manner you take away a key lynch pin of a narcissist – their need to control people, things and situations.
Once you are comfortable in your own skin, the next step is to make sure your skin becomes your armor. You develop your armor by having the documented facts, that when challenged by the narcissist, are irrefutable. A person with NPD will never admit they are wrong or that you are right. However, they will withdraw when the facts are stacked against them. They may throw a temper tantrum, but with the facts on your side it won’t last and it actually exposes them for the narcissist they truly are.
Developing your own self-confidence and knowledge of information is like learning an emotional and intellectual “Texas Two-Step.” You can work or deal with any situation, person or personality. Just learn to dance and pretty soon the narcissist, who has always danced to the beat of their own drum, will be dancing alone – instead of leading while stepping on everybody’s toes.
Until next time….